Let's call my real clients "Ken" and "Barbie" to protect their names and have fun :) They hired me as they are considering getting married within the next year and don't want to be one of the many marriages that ends in divorce. They want to have the skills to communicate and fully relate and to maintain those skills as they mature together.
Both of them come from a loving, caring and sharing place. They also come from homes where both their parent's have been divorced (Ken's twice). They are enthusiastic and optimistic coaching can help them.
Today we talked about how they handle their feelings. Personal responsibility comes before we can be a "couple". "Barbie" prefers to speak about things when she is upset and "Ken" prefers to shut down. Understanding that each relates differently was a great starting point for our coaching.
"Ken" committed that instead of withdrawing, he will work on speaking more when he is feeling frustrated, stress, worried or upset. "Barbie" said she'd listen more and talk less. They co-created this arrangement and both felt good about it and committed to this plan.
When asked about how they approach things that are different which might "bug" them, "Barbie" talked about when "Ken" didn't clean up his breakfast dishes because he was running off to work, and she often ends up doing this and doesn't like it. "Ken" said that when "Barbie" criticized him for making a mess, he felt like a small child and was angry and hurt. As they talked more about this, both agreed the way they criticize vs. make requests was not right. I taught them the coaching skills of being charge neutral and marking requests. They enjoyed this and committed to learning these skills.
If you want to learn coaching skills to create a better life, relationships or do your job better, go to: www.comprehensivecoachingu.com/future-coach.htm and grab your coaching kit right now.
Terri Levine
www.terrilevine.com
www.coachinstitute.com
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