Friday, July 29, 2005

VISUALIZATION - IT WORKS!

If you've been hanging around me or my seminars, books or newsletters, you'll know I'm pretty big on "seeing" yourself as how you want to be - wealthy, successful, thin, whatever! Many of my clients have no idea how to "see" themselves as anything other than what they are, but when I introduce them to visualization, then they really start to move ahead.

There are many books available which teach you how to visualize successfully - but those who doubt it's effectiveness might like to know that studies have been made which prove it does work.

A Harvard study involved two groups of athletes - one group practiced with real equipment, and the other used purely visualization techniques - that is, the second group didn't do any physical training at all - it was all "in their head". The results were the same for both groups - they both improved by the same margin.

A similar study was undertaken with a dance formation team. A few in the team were unable to practice and so were trained in the use of visualization, in which they saw themselves doing the required dance movements in synch with the team. When they all came together, the few who had not physically been able to practice with the team and had used visualization to "train" were actually better than their team mates! They remembered all the steps and movements and made no mistakes.

You can use visualization for anything. Why not visualize your success today? It costs nothing and it can even be fun!

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

IS YOUR "FIRE" FOR BUSINESS GOING OUT?

Has the novelty of your new business worn off? Does it feel like "work" now? A daily grind? Are you bored? Perhaps the excitement of the early challenges has worn off? Has it become uninteresting? Has the fun gone out of it?

Let's face it, without stimulation, most things become boring and jaded rather quickly. But it is up to you to create challenges for yourself - create new goals! Brainstorm new ideas and put them into action. You don't have to just sit with what you've already achieved and wonder, "Is this all there is?" As in life itself, NO, that's not all there is! You can be and do pretty much whatever you set your mind to. With your business that means you can sit and be bored and restless or dissatisfied, or you can put the FIZZ back in your BIZZ!

First make sure you know what it is that excites and challenges you. Make a list. It could be testing yourself against untried and untested procedures, solving problems, or developing new ways of doing things, etc.

Once you know what challenges and excites you, next find ways to incorporate more of that into your daily business. Include it in your goals. Determine what you need to do to implement this new strategy - what steps you need to take now and in the future. You need to reassess how you think about your work and what you are doing - perhaps you need a change of focus too. Whatever you do must have meaning for you.

If you are in a line of business where this is more easily said than done, you can start with small things, like finding ways to complete your daily tasks quicker or more accurately. You can gain immense satisfaction from achieving even simple things - it is this satisfaction that gives meaning and purpose to everything you do, challenging or otherwise.

Hmm... this sounds a little like Work Yourself Happy... perhaps you should read the book! (Which, by the way, is not expensive - you can grab an e-copy (downloadable) for peanuts!) You can pick a copy up from here:
http://www.terrilevine.com/books.html#Happy

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Writer's Block

If you are a writer of anything, if you aren't familiar with writer's block now, rest assured your turn will come. Ideas seem to dry up. You don't know how to end it. Or maybe you get caught up wanting to perfect everything as you go - which, by the way, is a sure way to stifle your creativity!

Whether it be a letter, a book, an article, an email... if you can't stop tinkering and tweaking it, or you are suffering writer's block, stop wasting time with it.

This doesn't mean give it up for good...it just means give your brain a rest. Put it aside and do something else for a while. Maybe work on a different article for a while. Maybe go for a walk. Knit a jumper. Read a book. You get the idea. You need to take your mind off it.

Sometimes when we are too close to the words, we fail to see what's wrong with it or even what's right, and we tinker for tinkering's sake. Sometimes, we are our own worst critics!

When you come back to it with fresh eyes, you will see what really needs doing to it, if anything. Chances are nothing needs doing to it. There are a million ways to write something and you can't use them all in the one piece, so don't even try. Go with what works best in whatever piece you are working on and if your other ideas are clamoring to be aired, write them in a journal so you can use them another time.

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com

Friday, July 22, 2005

PRUNING THE GRAPEVINE

Whether yours is a large organization or a small business, grapevine chatter can make or break your business. "Sour grapes" with unprofessional, inexperienced attitudes can and will create havoc with rumors and stories. So, how do you deal with these people in your business?

  1. Keep your staff up to date with what is happening in your organization. The more facts they have, the less likely they will be to gossip and spread rumors.

  2. Make sure your staff know that you are concerned for their welfare and problems and feelings. Don't alienate them with a patronizing manner or feel that the members on the lower rungs of the ladder do not need to be kept informed, because it is at this level that the most rumors circulate.

  3. Use newsletters and bulletin boards to keep people up to date. Provide information to Departmental supervisors and ask them to ensure their Department is informed.

  4. Make yourself readily available to concerned staff members who need to talk or ask questions. Don't be intimidating and frighten them off - this is when they are most likely to go and chat to others. An open door policy encourages communication.
  5. If you don't have the answer to their problems or questions, be honest about it and find out the answer for them.
  6. Make sure your staff know their first step is to come and ask you for clarification of a situation or rumor before asking anybody else, who may not have all the facts.
Keeping the lines of communication open is paramount to stopping wasteful and detrimental grapevine chatter. If people know they can come to you for a straight answer, they will do so, rather than ask a fellow workmate and get an incorrect answer.

The same applies with businesses with whom you associate. Don't listen to industry "gossip" - get the facts from the people who will know.

The moment you suspect your staff are concerned about stories going around the company grapevine, that is the time to step in and put the story straight. Never be afraid to tell the truth to your employees and always keep them informed... you will be rewarded with their trust and support.

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com/
http://www.terrilevine.com/

Thursday, July 21, 2005

GET RESULTS WITH THE "RIGHT WORDS"

Isn't it annoying when you spend your days telling or asking people to do something and they go and do the opposite, or just plain mess up? Here's an example:

You know if you tell a child not to spill his glass of milk, that is exactly what he will do - spill his glass of milk! Why? Because he is focusing his imagination on his glass of milk being spilled! That is the mental picture you gave him with your request.

The same applies to situations where you are asking employees or co-workers, or anybody for that matter, to do something - you should endeavor to phrase every request in a positive tone and in a manner which allows for visualization of the desired outcome.

For example: instead of saying "If you're not here by 7, we'll miss the bus and won't be able to go." Say, "We'll be able to catch the bus if you get here before 7 and we'll have a great time."

Or another example: "If you don't finish that article on time, it will throw out our entire schedule and we'll miss the publisher." Instead, say, "We'll remain on schedule if you can finish that article on time."

See the difference? The mental pictures formed in your head with each different sentence make the difference, and it's all in your tone!

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

There's not enough hours in my day

"I seem to spend all my time doing….X… and there's no time for anything else!"

Ever said this? Ever felt there isn't enough time in your day to be and do all that you can or want to be and do? What with family obligations and commitments, working with clients, writing, teaching, training, marketing, housework, garden work… there just isn't any time left over for self-employed entrepreneurs to "have a life". You're working for everyone and everything else and you are so far down on the list, you just never get reached! Could be you are working in inefficient ways…

If this is you, here are 8 quick tips that might make a difference:

  1. First, start by being honest with yourself. Grab a pad and pen right now and do a "life assessment". The aim of this is to identify your priorities for each day of the week. Keep a list every day. the most important things should be at the top - if you don't reach the bottom, there's always tomorrow and let's face it, some of those things at the bottom may not be so important! Check this list weekly. If there is something recurring on your list that is never high up priority wise every day, but you want it attended to, you will need to find time to slot it in or consider hiring a VA or somebody to help you do it! The idea of "list keeping" is you get a very clear picture of where you are spending your time and can make sure you are spending your valuable time on things that truly are important. You know where to focus your energy. You don't waste time. You can make decisions more easily. You can determine just what things can wait a while or need attending to immediately. The thing is - don't just rely on your memory! Sorry… along with your hair color, your memory, too, will fade over time! So, write it down!

  2. Ever heard of the 80/20? It goes something like this: "80% of your success comes from 20% of your efforts". And you ask… you need to figure out where your most profitable 20% is and spend the majority of your time involved in those activities. Let's pretend you are a Coach… your most profitable activity is working with your clients and maybe looking at ways to increase multiple streams of income that don't involve your constant and active participation and time. So go identify yours!

  3. Get help! This might be difficult if you are one of those types who feels you must do everything yourself, for whatever reason! Try it. Hire an assistant - doesn't have to be a full time person - try out a VA. VAs (Virtual Assistants) come in all shapes and sizes and guises and specialize in different tasks and have different fees. Ask about their pricing for certain activities. Shop around. And don't be fooled into thinking the most expensive VA is necessarily the best! Ask for references.

  4. Automate as much as possible in your business. Technology is aimed at making our lot easier in life. This can include things like using a voicemail program or using your email via your cell phone. It might mean learning about and using autoresponders for your emails. If you are not technically minded you can hire professionals and VA's who can set this all up for you. The beauty of it is once it is set up, you don't need to worry about it again. You don't have to have brand new equipment either. You can buy second hand or consider leasing things you really need.

  5. Simplify your life! Here's an example. Do you spend time chasing folks who promise to pay by check or via paypal? Why not insist on credit cards and use an online merchant for processing credit card charges? By doing this you don't have to move from your chair to process payments oweing to you. No more trips to the bank. With an online merchant account you can also set up recurring payments so the charges are run through automatically each month until you stop them. How easy is that! And if you look at your business, I am sure you will find other ways in which you can simplify your life.

  6. You know how you can consolidate your loans or credit cards into one, thereby saving the hassle of having to pay each individual card/loan each month and all the extra fees that go with them? Take a look at your business and see what and how you can consolidate your efforts to save time. Do you have umpteen websites that need constant updating/attention? Maybe you can consolidate some/all of them. Ditto with newsletters. What places in your business can you consolidate your efforts?

  7. Get leverage out of everything you do - when you can. This means finding more than one use out of products or services you have already produced. Ask yourself, "how can I use this product/service again?" Look for ways to re-use existing products over and over again. Can you combine them? Can you tweak them slightly? Be creative!

  8. Group your tasks. Don't scatter your energies, thereby wasting your time. Do similar types of tasks together, for example, if you have a list of calls to make, put aside some time to do all of them. Maybe you have a lot of writing to do, or appointments to book. If you look at your business you will find many tasks that can be accomplished all at the same time in ways that do not scatter your time or energy.

In general, keep track of what does and doesn't work in your business. What types of things do your customers compliment you about or complain about? Do people make suggestions? Put aside time in each week to analyze your business and brainstorm for new, creative insights and ideas. You will find it much easier to discover new ways of achieving goals, simplifying your day-to-day tasks and consolidating tasks and maximizing the use of your products and services.

Of course, in this schedule you should also include time for yourself. Even if it is just for one hour a day. Find time for YOU!

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com/
http://www.terrilevine.com/

Friday, July 15, 2005

TIPS FOR DESIGNING YOUR DAYS

Okay...so you want to know what I do...

Every Monday, I enjoy a day set aside for what I call a Design Day. On this day, for 4-6 hours, I focus my time and energy on creating the systems that support the creation and enhancement of passive income streams.

My view of passive income is money that flows in, while I am doing other things. I do set up systems that create the income to come to me and don't want to give the idea that I do nothing, light a few candles and clean out the file cabinets, and money rolls in. This is why each week; I devote a business day, every single week, to the systems.

On a passive income day, a design day as I call it, I monitor my current passive income streams - internet marketing, affiliate programs, joint ventures, cross-referrals, network marketing, etc. I see how they are working and how to optimize each to be financially productive as well as what systems can make them run with less effort and more results. I also spend some of the day looking for other passive income opportunities that resonate with me as well as those that add to my current passive income businesses. I investigate things like lead generators, technology, and other resources.

My goal in having passive income streams is to have ways of generating income while I am sleeping and not through my regular business of coaching, where I trade my time for money. I love taking what I enjoy and designing products and services that create passive income and I spend part of my Design Days doing this.

I enjoy these days immensely and love earning more income and having more free time, so I look forward to my Design Time to set up and expand my current income streams. Each week as I spend my Design Day on passive income streams, I create more money for the rest of the week, based on spending the 4-6 hours a week. I think of myself as a recording artist who goes into the studio one day and creates a great CD. Each week I may be on tour or on TV or promoting my CD - that is my Design Day. And every other day, the CD sales - my passive income - come to me while I sleep or do other things with my life and time.

You have to make time where you work ON your business and not just IN your business.

This is not wasted time. You focus on improving your business, not catching up with unfinished tasks. Look at your business in the same way a Consultant might. Be critical. There is much research you can do yourself if you cannot afford a Consultant. You can search the internet for what other companies, in other industries, are doing that you may be able to adapt or adopt for your business. You might find the answers to many of your challenges. Your business will not shut down. In fact, you will find these efforts will produce new ways of increasing and improving your business, and time spent on such things is never wasted.

Hey, I DO know what I'm talking about here! It works for me and it works for all my clients. Why don't you try it and see?

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

LIFE in the ENTREPRENEUR LANE

Most entrepreneurs I coach tell me that they want to simplify their lives. They are consumed with details, many of which don't seem that critical, yet still have to get done. They also say that they feel their lives are out of balance. They live separate business and personal lives and often feel guilt over not being with their families and friends more frequently.

Here are some tips that entrepreneurs I coach have shared as part of their success in building more success at less cost:

  1. Get rid of anything and anyone you are tolerating
  2. Get rid of clients that you don't enjoy working with
  3. Plan 1 hour a day of high-quality free time just for you
  4. Surround yourself with people who are talented and highly motivated
  5. Work to free yourself of interruptions
  6. Delegate non-money-making activities
  7. Get coached
As an entrepreneur, it is critical to simplify your life and focus on your uniqueness and what it is you want to create in your lifetime. Is it relationships, an organization, money, recognition, a new method? Don't forget your life purpose and your mission - before your business goals.

Next, begin focusing on slowing your pace and planning your days, weeks, months and your activities and achievements. Take control of the chaos, slow the activity and improve the results. Organize your work around teams. Those who are supported by others have an extraordinary advantage in all situations in life. Focus only on business tasks that others cannot do for you.

Got a goal? Great . . . now expand it, push it, grow it HUGE! Visualize it and articulate it to others and develop a framework to get results. Instead of focusing on marketing and sales as a singular item, focus on the creation of extraordinary value.

Learn to bring to others ever increasing value and you will have a powerful business. Transform your products into services, services to products, and products and services into a unique experience. This will differentiate you in the marketplace and allow you to be creative.

If you don't know where to start . . . hire a coach! That's what we're here for!

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com/

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Who's the Boss? The Coach…or You?

Some people are put off the idea of hiring a coach in the mistaken belief that they will somehow be disempowered in the process. Coaching, one of the fastest growing professions in the United States, and indeed, throughout the world, is about empowerment - for the client! - and should never be mistaken for Consulting or Therapy. "You", the "client", are always in the "driver's seat". The Coach sits beside you. Your coach is there to help you be in control, to help you use your own power or to help you take back your own power, to be responsible for your own life, your goals, your decisions. It's always about "you".

Through coaching, people are able to get from where they are to where they want to be in both their business and personal lives much faster and easier than they normally would. Coaches view the entire person and situation with complete objectivity and without any attachment to the results. They help the client see new perspectives, learn the truth and gain the knowledge to move ahead and make positive, sustainable changes in their lives or their business. But it is always the client's decision. The power to move forward, make changes etc. always belongs to the client.

Coaching is not therapy. Therapy is about working through past issues and healing, whereas Coaching is about the future and helping successful people attain their future goals. Coaching is not consulting. Consultants typically provide their clients with specific solutions to identified problems and then leave the clients to implement the solution by themselves. Coaches work with clients to help them discover their own answers and make their own decisions. Then the coach supports the client while the client implements his or her decision.

Coaches have no "hidden agenda". Unlike friends and family, who often DO have their own agenda and DO want certain outcomes, (because they sincerely believe they know what's best or right for you), Coaches are trained to remain objective and do not interfere in ways that would rob the client of their "power". Coaches relate to their clients in a partnership rather than in the role of an expert or authority figure. Coaches help create greater clarity and an ability to make decisions that come from inside yourself, versus what the world may tell you that you should do or what you're expected to do. And it's never about what the Coach thinks you should do.

You hire a coach not because you want somebody to tell you what to do - because Coaches don't do that (well, not unless you specifically ask for their professional advice!) -- but because you want someone who's going to ask powerful questions that really get to the crux of the matter for you - you know, clear away the cobwebs in your thinking, who's not going to judge your answers, and who is not in any way, shape, or form, attached to the outcome.

You hire a coach because you want to come up with actions that are going to propel you forward and prepare you for the future and allow you to change in great ways, and exceed your expectations.

You hire a coach because you want someone who's going to help you with planning and goal setting and help you tap into different ways of learning and different processes.

You have your own answers about yourself and who you are, and a coach will really help you focus on your future and get in touch with who you are and where you are going. A coach will help you have a stronger way of being and a better human experience. A coach won't give you the answers, but will be your partner in helping you find your own answers - that is, answers that are right for YOU - and stay with you to implement those answers. But a Coach will never take your power - will never take control of your life - that's "your" job!

(It's nice to be the center of attention, yes?)

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com

Monday, July 11, 2005

Competing Against the Big Guys!

David and Goliath... you know how it goes, and it makes starting up your business hard when you have to compete against well established organizations who are already set up to provide everything and seemingly have all the answers. Without doubt, the larger, well established company has it over you. By the same token, you can compete against them, maybe not on as grand a scale, but you can make your living doing what you love to do.

You may not be "significant" enough in "Goliath's" eyes to even notice, but perhaps the Company has noticed you and it would be worth your while finding out what, if anything, is said about your business. If you know what your larger competition is saying, perhaps implying that it is superior in some way to your business, you are in a better position to deal with it. Whatever you do, do not get into a slanging match with Goliath. You simply need to reinforce your own competence. People aren't silly... most are aware of the games some very large organizations will play in order to keep the lion share of the market, and they can spot integrity, or lack of, honesty, or lack of, and sincerity, or lack of, a mile off.

You need to emphasize the advantages your own smaller business has over Goliath - such things as personal attention, customers are not just a number, direct contacts with management, etc. People who appreciate this level of service and attention to detail will deal with you. Let's face it, who likes to be 'just a number'?

If your small business has employees, you can emphasize their education and business knowledge, in fact, any credentials they have which can "prove" you are equipped to offer exactly the same thing Goliath offers but with more personal attention. Your Sales people can provide more personal attention due to the smaller, cosier client base.

People can get "lost" in a larger corporation, and sometimes dollars becomes more significant than service, and it is for this reason, that smaller businesses will always find a market. So hang in there... there will always be room for you - you might have to work a little bit smarter, but isn't the end result worth it?

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com/

Friday, July 08, 2005

Stress Tips

I have a service I provide visitors to my site called "Terri's Treasure Trove of Tips". You can check it out here:
http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html.
Idea is you don't HAVE to pay for a full coaching session with me if you just have ONE problem/question you'd like a Master Coach (me!) to help you with.

I recently received an email from a very distressed mother which went as follows:

"This may be silly, but I don't know how to determine what is true stress or if I just overreact to everything. Or does it not matter as long as a person feels stressed no matter what the source? I feel overwhelmed most of the time, I am a stay at home mom, 3kids, ages 12, 3, and 1yr. I feel stressed by everyday tasks and events. Things that I think other people wouldn't react to. I am a control freak and pretty much like things certain ways, and I like a tidy house. I'm stressed by having to do it, but also feel stressed if I don't do it. What can I change or do to reduce these feelings, or how in the world can I make it work for me?"

This scenario is soooo common these days, but still, my heart went out to this poor woman who was trying to be all things to all people and do it all perfectly! So here's what I told her:

"True Stress is that state of overwhelm which affects you physically and mentally and renders one incapable of functioning without that sense of panic and urgency, an inability to relax. I suspect your need to control and have things "just so" is exacerbating your problem. Not all stress is bad. Stress is your body's response to any change in its inner or outer environment. Even good things, such as a promotion at work or a new baby in the house can create stress. It's when you are faced with one stress period after another, with no time to relax in between, it can affect your physical and mental well-being.

Here are some common symptoms of too much stress and not enough relaxation.


  • Fatigue

  • Sleeplessness

  • Irritability, anxiety or depression

  • A change in appetite

  • Headache, backache or chest pain

  • A noticeably negative attitude

  • Numbness

  • Feeling overwhelmed or out of control

  • Poor concentration

  • Little things bothering you

  • Frequent crying

  • Muscle spasms

  • Constipation or diarrhea

  • Shortness of breath

  • Difficulty controlling your temper
It may sound like a cliché, but techniques such as meditation, relaxation or even exercise does help reduce stress levels.

Take your mind away from what you are doing. Read the comics, take a walk. Take deep breaths. Take your 3 and 1 year old to the park, walk slowly and breathe in the fresh air. Find some time of the day to sit and soak in a long warm bath with a good book. If you can't get to a aerobics or exercise class of some kind (that has a creche), buy a video and do it at home. You have to have some special "you" time - this is not being selfish. If you are not feeling 100%, you are not going to be able to give 100% to your family - so you HAVE to take care of you first if you want to be able to take care of others. Investment-wise, if you want to look at it this way, YOU are one of the most, if not the most valuable "possession" in your family. Just look at what you do and achieve every day? Your family could not cope without you. Your husband would have to pay a small fortune to replace you with a full time child-carer/nanny, housekeeper and chef! It pays to take VERY good care of such a valuable commodity - yes?

It will take some practice but you need to relinquish the "need" for a spotless house - you have 3 children - any mother will tell you, children and a permanently spotless house just don't go together unless you have a full time house-keeper! Train your children to pick up after themselves. Know that this "messy" stage will pass one day… nobody is going to judge you if they have children themselves!

Sit down and make a list of the things you feel must be done to make you happy re your house and then schedule the tasks for the week, making allowances for interruptions along the way. Schedule in children time. Schedule in all the things you have to do. Now somewhere in that schedule, find at least half an hour just for yourself - possibly later in the evening when the children are in bed, or maybe you can get up a bit earlier before everyone else - but it's imperative you find time just for you. Buy one of those soothing meditation music tapes, put it on softly, lie on the sofa with your eyes closed and just listen and relax. I realize that for some people doing nothing is very difficult - but I also know you can do it!

You might like to try a herbal remedy - St John's Wort is excellent and can be found on most vitamin shelves in the stores.

Want to avoid the feelings of stress in the future? Try these tips:


  1. Get up 15 minutes earlier every morning so you aren't in a rush and can relax before leaving the house

  2. Exercise daily to unwind

  3. Eliminate the words "ought" and "should" from your vocabulary and make your goals things you really want to do

  4. Skip the daily news - it's full of negative events

  5. Drive slowly and enjoy listening to music while you drive

  6. Meditate or sit quietly for a few minutes every day

  7. Schedule plenty of time between appointments so you don't feel rushed
Life is filled with changes and challenges, many of which you can't control. How you respond to these changes and challenges *is* in your control. Your attitude can determine a situation or you can allow the situation to control your attitude."

So that was my advice. I'm waiting to hear back from her. I invited her to let me know how she fared following my advice.

And if YOU have one question you'd like my help with, go to: http://www.terrilevine.com/TTT.html

OR if you would like a proper coaching session, or many coaching sessions, you can contact my assistant Donna at Donna@coachinginstruction.com and she can give you the information you need or I can refer you to another Coach if you wish.

Enjoy your life!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Betty and Bob

I had an interesting experience recently. As you may or may not know I recently returned from a 2 week speaking engagement on a cruise ship! I met some amazing people. I also met 2 people who attended all my talks and each are charming individuals… sadly, put them at the same table together and world war 3 is likely to erupt! How have these 2 remained married for 15 years, I wondered?

Actually, I did comment on their success at having been married for 15 years and was expecting some form of recognition and agreement of that - imagine my disappointment when the wife said they probably wouldn't reach 16 years! And the husband didn't deny it.

I'll call them "Betty" and "Bob".

I really liked these two people and from an objective perspective, they had a lot going for them and stood to lose a lot if they separated. I managed to get them alone late one evening - we sat in the lounge and enjoyed a few social drinks.

I noticed that every time Bob said something, Betty would put him down or make fun of him or his comment. Bob didn't reply most of the times - he just wore a sad expression, and occasionally would snap back at her. Once he snapped, of course, this made things worse and Betty seemed to think this justified really hoeing into him!

I began to feel sorry for Bob, but as I got to know them more, I discovered that he, too, wasn't averse to slinging a little mud his wife's way either. It was a game, an unpleasant game, they both indulged in - why did they play it? It was obvious none of them liked it.

Betty said this was the reason they probably wouldn't see 16 years together. She couldn't take it anymore. Well, finally she had said something Bob agreed with. I let them talk it out, get it off their chest and I just sat their listening. Then Betty said to me, "You are so easy to talk to! I guess that's why you're a Coach!" So I said, "Would you like me to let you in on a little secret? A free coaching tip?" (A free coaching tip from a Master Coach? Are you kidding? Of course, they were both all ears!)

I gave them the nutshell version on the art of "listening". I reminded them of how they would have listened to each other when they first met - the respect they would have shown each other. I told them that they have no problem listening respectfully to other people - just with each other. I asked if they were up for a little experiment and they decided to humor me. I told them that for the rest of the voyage, I wanted them to stop slanging each other and to treat what the other had to say with the same respect they'd show somebody else, like me. I told them this new "game" would start right "now". So I kept them there for another hour or so and kept the topics light. We discussed the trip, the great photos we'd all taken and the wonderful new sights and experiences. I only had to remind Betty once that she had slipped up when she made a smart reply to her husband's comment about the food and the onboard gym.

I endeavored to meet up with these 2 almost every day, and they both surprised me by informing me that they were still trying the experiment. I knew they were good people, so really, I shouldn't have been surprised.

A few days later, we were sitting around after dinner and I noticed something rather wonderful had happened. Bob made one of his usual comments that in the past would have brought a smart reply and put down from Betty, but this time she just looked at him and laughed. He rewarded her with the warmest of smiles and I swear, their was a twinkle in both their eyes! But it didn't stop there. Betty commented on some weight gain she felt she'd experienced during the voyage, but rather than make a comment about her spreading midriff, Bob surprised his wife by telling her she was every bit as gorgeous as the first day he'd met her.

Look, not every couple can work things out as easily as this with just one little tip. But I did tell you I'd seen something special about this couple! However, this same, very basic and simple coaching tip is one that has salvaged many relationships. When you are with somebody for so many years, some of their habits or expressions can be annoying. You just have to remember that it is part and parcel of the person you fell in love with all those years ago, and try to imagine life without that person. Very often, some couples find that they would rather live with an annoying habit than be without the person whose habit it is. Very often the person with the bad habit is prepared to compromise and do something about their habit.

Great listening and compromise… the 2 things that make for a great relationship!

Ah, don't you just love a happy ending! Okay, that's a bit of a lie… I did hear them arguing about their luggage when we disembarked - they stopped when they saw me. Maybe I should send them my photo to stick on their refrigerator as a reminder!

Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com/