I was watching a friend's 7 year old riding her bike for the first time without those "trainer" wheels attached. She wobbled, she wavered, she yelled "Ya-hooey" (or something like that), straightened up, turned and faced us proudly and waved… then promptly proceeded to hit the curb and fall off.
We said she was doing fine, learning to ride her bike. Notice we didn't say anything about failing to ride her bike!
This got me thinking... we're nice to babies, too. Up they hop on fat wobbly legs, and usually only manage a couple of shaky steps before they fall on their heavily padded bottoms. When they fall over, we encourage them because we say they're learning to walk. Note: we do NOT tell them they are bad babies for failing to walk!What about when your older child goes for their first real big job... and doesn't get it. (We know they didn't get it because they're kicking their bottom lip as they walk up to the house.) Do we scowl and mock them? Do we say things like, "You fool! Even a turkey sandwich could have landed that job! You're a failure at job hunting!" No, we don't say things like that. We are encouraging because our children are learning about what it's like in the "real world".
We consider all these types of experiences to be learning experiences... not failing experiences. In fact, falling on your bum, off your bike, getting rejected ... these are simply experiences in life. You may choose to think of them as failures but will that make you feel better? You don't quit, do you? You keep trying to walk, to ride, to get a dream job and so on... so you aren't failing... you are learning.
Not sure what brought this on... something to do with learning to ride... but there is a message in this for you. Read it again and if you are currently telling yourself that you are a failure in some aspect of life, it's time you reworded that...
Until next time...
Terri Levine
http://www.coachinstitute.com
http://www.terrilevine.com
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