I receive a lot of email about my articles on self-sabotage, grumpy people, combating stress, etc. and a common theme which runs through all the emails is that a lot of people carry around a poor self-image. Ever heard that expression "You ARE what you think!"?
It is as a result of a poor self-image that we believe we don't "deserve", and because of this, we subconsciously sabotage our own happiness.
Typical behaviors associated with poor self-image include:
- negative self-talk about ourselves
- jealousy/envy
- feelings of guilt
- poor health
- inability to give affection
- inability to receive affection
- inability to give compliments
- inability to receive compliments
- not asking for what we want or not taking into account our own needs
- being highly critical
- we compare ourselves with others
- lack of confidence in ourselves
- pessimism
You can start to overcome these things with practice.
You can start simply, for example, next time you receive a compliment, just say "thank you" and smile. Don't try and put the compliment down or turn it around or poo-poo the compliment giver! Just accept their compliment with a simple thank you!
Some people just burn up inside when somebody says something nice to them! For them, accepting a compliment gracefully and appreciating it is a real challenge. Getting them to BELIEVE it is the hardest part - know why? It's all that negative self-image getting in the way. Because they think they're lousy, no-good, useless wastes of precious oxygen, they think everyone else thinks the same and if they don't, its because they don't know them well enough and they should think the same! Good grief!
And practice giving others compliments.
Whatever your shortcomings, know that we are all human and one of our human traits is that we are not perfect! We all have shortcomings! We don't go around advertising our short comings, and the wise amongst us try to overcome our shortcomings, living lives of continual self-improvement. So stop with the negative self-talk and when you find yourself thinking poorly of yourself, stop yourself and replace the thought with something positive and uplifting. Acknowledge the good things about yourself. Hang around happy people. Don't accept abuse from anybody. Use positive affirmations about all areas of your life. Listen to uplifting tapes and read inspirational books.
You ARE worthy! And that applies regardless of what or who you are... I don't care if you're old, ugly, unemployed, beautiful in a plastic-surgeon-junkie kind of way (conceited), rich and selfish, poor and miserable, in jail, made mistakes... IT DOESN'T MATTER! Some things, like appearances and age, are simply superficial, other things (mistakes we're ashamed of) belong to yesterday and have no place in your thinking "today". Even axe murderers are only punished ONCE for the same crime... how many times do you punish yourself - in thought or deed - for the same mistake?
Here's a nifty trick to make all this easier... picture in your head how you want to be, not how you are now.
I wish you all a HAPPY and successful 2006!
Terri Levine
http://www.comprehensivecoachingu.com
http://www.terrilevine.com
http://www.coachinstitute.com
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